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Sport: Do big breasts make a difference?

March 19, 2014
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Big decision: Simona Halep had 34DD breasts

When I was younger I had ambitions to be a professional swimmer. I used to swim at a junior county level and was unbeaten in the first team at school. But then the inevitable happened… Boobs.

Ok, I admit it’s mightily ambitious to say that my boobs and boobs alone stopped me from getting to London 2012.  They actually had nothing to do with it. The truth is that I moved to a school with an outside pool slash pond and a 65-year-old swimming coach slash basket case and I decided that I’d rather spend my mornings in bed and my evenings with friends than underwater. It wasn’t a hard decision.

But I have always wondered: if the will had been there, would my boobs have stopped me from competing at a higher level? (I’ve also wondered if they make you float but that’s for another blog)

Romanian tennis player Simona Halep has given me the answer.

As a professional sports woman with 34DD breasts she decided to take action. She said, “It’s the weight that troubles me. My ability to react quickly, my breasts make me uncomfortable when I play. I don’t like them in my everyday life, either.”

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Getting in the way: Halep’s boobs looked fake

Despite a petition from fans she had surgery in 2010, which took her down to a 34C. But has it helped?

Erm, in a short answer: YES.

She’s moved up 450 places in the world ranking. FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY. She’s now #5 in the world. Her boobs were literally and figuratively weighing her down.

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A weight off her chest: Halep after surgery

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A rising star: She’s soared up the world rankings

I find that mildly depressing because I’d like to imagine that Adlington and I- as well as being the best of friends- could have fought it out for that Gold. Or that Balders would have been cheering me from the commentary box. Ah well. I suppose I should be glad that I didn’t swap my comrades for the chlorine and get my tits out for the lads instead. No, obviously I won’t do that.

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Boob sizes around the world

February 2, 2014

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Well who’d have thought it? Russians have the biggest tits.

I certainly didn’t. While I admit that when I think of big-breasted Russians a certain type springs to mind. I am thinking of a lady from russianbrides.com with boobs so fake that they woundn’t even judder if you strapped a live grenade to her nipples. But hardly any Russian women are really like that. Obviously. It is, after all, the largest country in the world covering one 8th of the world’s populated landmass. That’s 143 million people and a hell of a lot of D plus sized baps.

Surely all those big breasted babes in the Urals must be crying out for a local Bravissimo? And I hate to think of those Siberian tribeswomen, galloping around on horseback without a sturdy sport’s bra to hand.

The Scandinavians also top the tits chart but they would, wouldn’t they? As if they’re not satisfied enough with their flowing blonde locks, willowy bodies and zero crime rates. Personally, I could not be happier for them. But that’s just me: so kind hearted.

The Latvians and the Belarusians are lagging behind on an A cup when those in central Europe- Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Czech Republic and Hungary with their average Ds- are laughing all the way to the büstenhalter shops (that’s German for brassiere btw).

The UK is on a perfectly respectable C cup. I thought we would be more on the D plus side but I suppose having boobs that are bigger than your own head skews your opinion somewhat.

Anyway, for a better look at average breast sizes worldwide see here. It makes great viewing.

“Best Breast” Competition: Why can’t men get their bits out too?

January 10, 2014

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A Croatian village has sparked controversy when, in an effort to raise money for a terminally ill man, the inhabitants held a ‘best breast’ competition.

According to the International Business Times (why they are reporting on breast competitions is a mystery to me) women in a village on the island of Istria were awarded prizes for their cleavages after having them weighed and measured. These included awards for the biggest, firmest and most beautiful knockers. There was even a prize for the smallest bosoms on show…. The booby prize perhaps?

A special mention must go to the winner of the largest breasts. A 54-year-old woman stormed to victory after her boobs measured a circumference of 1.5meters. OMGG.

The winner of the ‘most beautiful breasts’ was a 23-year-old called Danijela Golubovic. She said: “It was a bit strange but after all it is for charity and I’m glad that I could take part in helping to raise cash.”

However, despite being lauded by the local press, the event was criticised by women’s rights campaigners.

Personally, I don’t have a problem with this kind of competition. It’s only for a bit of fun and, as the beautiful breasted woman says, it’s for charity. But I only agree on one condition: that there has to be a similar competition for the men.

If the village was well known for it’s Torso of the Year award, its annual Best Bottom competition, or people came from miles around to judge the village’s Sexiest Sausage (too far?) then fair play to them.

Yet something tells me they don’t and I think that is unfair. It also seems unfair when you hear of other sexist examples in Croatian public life. According to Croatian journalist, Jelena Prtoric, a senior politician in the Croatian parliament told a female politician to “stick to her pole dancing”, while an advert for sausages placed the product in between two breasts. Not the sexy sausage I had in mind.

Meanwhile a Croatian beer advert shows a women returning home laden with groceries only to be greeted by her husband, not because he wants to help but because he wants his drink.

Something tells me we won’t be seeing a best blokes bum competitions any time soon. More’s the pity.

Top tips for keeping your tits tiptop

January 1, 2014

There are masses of ways of keeping your boobs looking good but here are just a few to keep that chest at it’s best.

1. GET THE RIGHT FIT

At OMGGs we all know that size matters but we have also found that up to 85% of women are wearing the wrong size bra. Here are some tips to see if yours fits.

– Centre panel lies flat against your breastbone.

– Nipple should sit halfway between the shoulder and elbow.

– Bra cups fit smoothly. No overflowing, gaping or puckering.

– Underwires completely encircle the bottom of each breast.

– Breasts point forward. You can freely swing your arms.

– Straps stay in place without digging into your shoulders.

– The band is snug but not tight. Bra is comfortable when sitting and standing.

2. EXERCISE

Do this exercise twice a week for a good old lift. No scalpel needed.

– Lie on your back, 5-pound weights by your side.

– Contract your abs.

– Hold the weights next to your armpits with elbows pointing out to the sides.

– Count to 2 as you push the weights up.

– Count to 4 as you lower the weights back down to the starting position.

– Do 3 sets of 12 reps with 30 seconds rest in between.

3. MOISTURISE

Lather your décolletage in lotion at every opportunity. No one wants a wrinkly bap. Or two for that matter.

4. MAKE SURE THEY MATCH

You may refer to them as “the twins” but no two breasts are identicle. If one is smaller than the other, don’t be afraid to add a bit of extra padding to your bra to even them out. With her self proclaimed lopsided boobs, Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence should do the same.

5. SIT UP STRAIGHT

I’ve always had bad posture so I can’t really blame it on trying to hide my knockers as a self-conscious teenager. Even so, for any girl growing up, it is rather embarrassing when you innocently pull your shoulders back and to all observing you might as well be shouting, “Behold my glorious rack!” But poor posture can make even the perkiest of boobs look droopy. So, square your shoulders; suck in your tummy and voila! Sex bomb.

6. FLATTER YOUR RACK

V-necklines will open up the décolletage and elongate your neck.

Look for seaming on tops that emphasizes your waist.

Stick with jackets with two buttons or less to avoid a square look

Wrap dresses help create an hourglass shape.

Wear necklaces that hang above the cleavage or down by your midriff.

Avoid square necklines.

For more tips on better boobs see Top 10 Tips for Better Boobs

We ask: how do you feel about your boobs? (Part 2)

December 10, 2013

Everyone has an opinion on breasts whether it’s theirs or someone elses. Here we ask a few people how they feel.

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Tittle tattle about tits in Tatler

November 18, 2013

Breasts are hot news this week as Tatler’s feature on tits has caused a storm in a D-Cup*

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Has Tatler made a tit of itself?

Feminists far and wide gasped as the magazine decided to devote a double-d paged spread to the top 34 racks in high society. They called it Titler.

One such feminist was chit lit author, Louise Mensch, who’s Tweeting Tits were among the line up. She was not flattered: “please don’t edit magazines drunk #feminism” and renamed it “Pratler”.

The Sun referred to it as a “sexist row” (pot calling kettle) and the Daily Mail called it “misogynistic” (while managing to use it as an excuse to run yet another article full of celebrity pictures.)

As a faithful feminist myself I can see why people are complaining. The Facebook group No to Titler at Tatler has branded it demeaning and degrading. To some extent, I agree. There is something slightly sickening about the blatant objectification of these women. And I really dislike the word TITS**.

But this is Tatler we’re talking about. This is a magazine that turns up to parties just to take pictures of pretty people with titles. It prints a joke on the spine of every issue and this month it has devoted eight pages to the cast of Made in Chelsea. I mean, please. We simply cannot take it seriously. As Victoria Coren, aka Bluestocking Tits, said “Tatler is a refreshingly mischievous magazine; if that’s stirred up a bit of public debate, then our culture sounds good and healthy to me!’

And what’s wrong with a little celebratory chest time in a feature that is tastefully done? Helen Mirren’s naked Theatrical Tits look totally fabulous and whoever came up with the name Creamy Tits for Nigella must have watched this. I hope they found it as funny as I did.

Yet tasteful or not, I like talking about boobs and anything that encourages that the better. Whether they are big, small or lopsided, boobs are always the first thing to enter the room. All men look at them; most women judge them. Not enough people talk about them.

My boobs are such gigantacans that I like to bring them into the conversation as soon as possible. It stops them from being the elephant-tits in the room.

As a result, I will do as Tatler says and “Behold! The most magnificent and marvelous breasts in all society”. It makes me sad mine don’t get a feature.

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Nigella and her freshly whipped bosoms

* Pun theft. I stole it from this brilliant article by Alexandra Jones in the Guardian.

**The word titties is different. In fact, I wanted to call this blog the Titty Committee, but my fellow authors were not so keen.

BOOB JOB: Q&A about breast reduction

November 8, 2013
Photography: makyajhocasi.com

Photography: makyajhocasi.com

Here at OMGGs we are all about boob love. We believe that loving your breasts can have a far-reaching positive impact on your confidence, your sexuality and subsequently your love life. But even though we rant and rave about how great they are, we also know that this can go the other way.

Lucy, a 26-year-old journalist, found that her DD boobs were affecting her physical and psychological health, so much so that she decided to go under the knife. Below she answers some of our questions.

What size were your boobs before and what are they now?

30DD and now a 32B/C (fluctuate depending on bra.)

Were your properly fitted before?

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Yes.

Why did you want a boob reduction?

I’ve always hunched in an effort to make them look smaller. It was affecting my posture and I was getting back ache. I am also quite small-framed around my back and they felt disproportionately large. That was the physical reason. Mentally, I just felt uncomfortable with large breasts. I don’t dislike them on other people, but I felt encumbered and weighty and I flattened them with minimiser bras. My mother thought it was the first step towards a sex change (I’m not kidding, she actually said “Do you want to be a man”?) although she was incredibly understanding as she’d seen, without me saying anything, how uncomfortable I was with them, since my early teens.

How long had you wanted a reduction before you got it?

I got a reduction aged 21. I’d wanted smaller boobs since I was about 16, but never thought my parents would allow me a reduction. Then my cousin got one done and I mentioned to my mum that I would do anything for one. Really? She replied, surprised. Honestly, I said, if you and Dad let me then I would put all my savings towards it. She saw I was serious and suddenly the impossible became possible.

How long did it take to settle on a final size?

This is controversial, I’m sure, but I just asked him to make them as small as he could (or would.) I wanted to be an A, because I knew they’d grow back a bit (they did) and I didn’t want to ever worry about feeling weighted down by them again. I asked to be an A, but he made me a B.

Were you scared about the operation?

No, not really. Just really glad to be doing it.

Was it painful?

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Operation was fine. I was deeply bruised (I was fascinated by it) and had to wear a bandage for a few days, but I don’t remember the pain as particularly memorable – probably due to the surgeon I went to, who is very esteemed in his field.

How long were they painful for? 

Actually painful probably for a week. Then sensitive for the rest of that month and I had to wear a special bra, at night too.

Did it reduce back pain?

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My posture is sadly still crappy. The damage may be done! But I certainly hunch less.

Do your boobs grow back?

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They do a bit. The breast tissue slightly strives to grow back to it’s original size! They probably grew by half a bra size. They were also ridiculously pert when I first had them done but sadly as saggy as natural ones, now!

What other worries did you have?

I didn’t have any other worries except that the operation would have been in vain. I wasn’t worried about breast feeding as that’s not a definite no-no (fingers crossed) and anyway, my mother never breast fed me due to complications and I think she’s the best mother ever – so I’m not concerned about not bonding with my baby, or anything.

Is the scarring bad?

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The scars are pretty minor. As I said, good surgeon. But they could be more minor, with more usage of Bio Oil. That’s reminded me, infact. They aren’t really noticeable, particularly with a tan. I’ve sunbathed topless before.

Can you still feel your nipples?

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I haven’t lost sensitivity in my nipples, but if you touch my scars – on the underside of my breast – they do feel a bit numb and I find it really uncomfortable.

Is there anything can you do now that your couldn’t before? 

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No changes really.

Has it affected your clothing choices? Can you experiment more?

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Yes, I used to always flatten them with bandeaus, I would never ever get my cleavage out. I hated it when people commented on my boobs. I will now wear halternecks and triangle bikinis and even backless dresses where no bra is needed.

Where did you have your op and did your doctor prepare you enough as to what to expect?

I had it done in The Lister Hospital, having met with the surgeon in his practise on Harley Street (He’s called Adam Searle.) Yes, I was prepared. He wasn’t fazed remotely by it – and thought it was absolutely a necessary procedure from the mental side of it – so I kind of was relaxed too.

Are you happy with the result? Has it changed the life in the way you hoped it would?

Yes, I am really glad I had it done. I don’t love my boobs (I’d love them to be perter), but then I don’t think a lot of people do!

What does your boyfriend think about your boobs?

Ha. Likes them I think!

Do you have any advice for people thinking about having their boobs reduced?

Don’t listen to what anyone else says. One friend told me she thought it was ‘vain’ that I had had it done, as everyone has stuff that I don’t like about themselves. Which was slightly ignorant of her, really. As I don’t like my hair, or my bum, but I’m not thinking of transplanting those. This was something which affected my physical and mental health and something which I had the support of my family of – and they really aren’t ones for cosmetic procedures. So my advice would be, wait a good couple of years of wanting it, before you actually do it. Spend all the money you can on it. Go to the best surgeon, who will leave the least scars (check how they do the procedure) and spend the best money you can on it. Mine were really expensive and used all of my savings, but my parents (understandably) said they’d only be happy with me doing it, if I went to the best doctor.

Thanks to everyone who asked questions.

Lucy’s name has been changed.